By Heather Skipworth Craven
"Kids will be kids," "They're just being kids," or "Children can be cruel." How often have we heard these phrases used to explain, reason or even justify kids who bully others? We've perhaps considered it a childhood rite of passage for some children to engage in behavior that victimizes others. I know that the word victim is a rather strong word, one that tends to bring images of serious crime to our minds.
But I found myself considering that term very appropriate when my own child was involved in a bullying situation. It seemed that a group of basically well meaning boys offered their attentions to my eldest daughter. And being a 2nd grade girl she had the mind set that all boys are "icky", and was mortified beyond words. I at first shrugged it off thinking that she should be flattered, so I was not overly concerned about the whole situation. Until it got to the point where it began affecting her whole attitude about school--she flat out dreaded going to school. I had no idea it had reached such a serious level. Apparently these adoring admirers of hers were not taking "No" for an answer, following her around constantly, generally making her school day miserable. I found out she had to resort to hiding in the library during recess and was being literally cornered in the bathroom.
This particular independent child of mine is not the type to show her emotions easily or come to me without attempting to handle a problem herself first. So, when she finally blurted out to me the depth and seriousness of the situation, I was wrenched with worry, guilt accompanied by a fear that I had been unable to protect my child. Yes, she
had indeed mentioned it to the playground monitors who basically did not make much of an attempt to help her resolve the problem. She hadn't approached her teacher about it because she was basically too embarrassed to do so without help. I truly believe, with this group of little boys, it was a case of them wanting to give her positive attention, but offering it inappropriately which is not the typical bullying scenario. But nevertheless it still put her into a situation where she felt helpless and even hopeless.
In this day and age, kids are aware alarmingly early of sex, violence, and other horrors of our society. The media, television, movies, books, magazines and toys daily reinforce and bombard children with inappropriate behaviors and role models. The situation involving my daughter was not one of her being the victim of aggression or cruelty as we usually define them, but when one stops to think about it she was just as much a victim. Regardless of these children's motives, a person's "No" should mean "No" and "Stop" should
mean "stop!" When that doesn't happen, it is indeed bullying. Harassment and aggression can be passive or innocent, but nonetheless still have a devastating impact on a child.
The following is an excerpt from an article that focuses on the factors which influence a child who engages in bullying behavior; From "Bullying and School Violence: The Tip of the Iceberg by Barry K Weinhold, PH.D
There isn't just one cause of bullying. There are a number of factors that, if present, increase the risk of someone becoming a bully. In trying to better understand what makes a child bully or put others down consider the following factors:
- Family factors:
- The home is the most violent place in the United States (Perry, 1996).
- Children from violent homes are three times more likely to become a bully. Contrary to popular belief, the majority of violence directed at young children in the home comes from the mother and older siblings (Perry, 1996).
- There are three primary predictive family factors: a lack of solid bonding/attachment with the young child, poor supervision and neglect of the child's needs and acceptance and modeling of aggressive or bullying behaviors by parents or older siblings. (Weinhold & Weinhold, 1999)
- School factors:
- The amount of adult supervision is directly tied to the frequency and severity of bullying in schools.
- A negative school climate where negative behavior gets most of the attention.
- Some teachers threaten, tease, shame or intimidate students to maintain control of their classroom.
- 25% of teachers see nothing wrong with bullying and put-downs.
- The learning environment can be poisoned by bullying, raising the fear and anxiety of all students.
- Community Factors:
- Schools in poor urban neighborhoods have more violence in and around the schools.
- People feel less safe in neighborhoods where there is evidence of crack houses and drug dealing and related violence. This spills over into the neighborhood schools where there is more drug dealing related violence.
- Schools located in neighborhoods with high turnover also have more bullying.
For more of this article, resources, strategies etc to deal with the issue of bullying, visit the Weinholds' outstanding website at
http://weinholds.org/bullyindex.htm.
How do we as teachers address and structure a proactive approach to battling the bully beast? By keeping the communication lines open with students and parents, building a relationship with our students that allows them the freedom to approach us in a situation that involves bullying. Incorporating character education along with daily expectations. Teaching students respect for others, empathy and acceptance of those with differences. Yes this is a monumental task that ultimately should be a parent's responsibility, but when so many families are dysfunctional, a child desperately needs appropriate role models and a place to practice positive behaviors and problem solving strategies. Above all, the classroom and school should be a safe haven for children and one in which learning experiences are not stifled and destroyed because a child is being victimized.
Read our tip entitled
"Help Kids Prevent Bullying".
