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Coleen Armstrong 

At the beginning of each new school year, every parent wants to know what he or she can do to encourage a child to work harder, do better, accomplish more. Most professional advice sounds something like this: “Provide a nutritious breakfast. Reinforce good study habits. Monitor nightly homework assignments. Insist on an early bedtime.” All great suggestions. But all externally imposed. 

How much greater would be the chances for success, I wonder, if the motivation came from inside the child himself? 

As a junior in high school, I knew a girl named Johnna, who had the most unpleasant disposition imaginable. She was gossipy, sarcastic, and confrontational. In those days it never occurred to anyone to give back in kind what she was dishing to others, so we simply avoided her. Whenever Johnna approached a chattering group, everyone suddenly began glancing at their watches and edging toward the exit. 

Summer arrived, and then fall. When we all returned for our senior year, I was stunned to see Johnna approaching me with a warm smile. She asked about my vacation, then remarked about how glad she was to be back. Then, with a wave, she darted off. 

Over the next few weeks I couldn’t help noticing that Johnna was no longer saying mean things or telling cruel jokes. It seemed almost as if she’d had a personality transplant. Even stranger, nobody commented on it; it was as if this “new” nice girl had already made everyone forget the old one. Indeed, by the end of the semester, Johnna was liked and accepted by the entire crowd. 

Today, with the benefit of four decades of hindsight, I believe that Johnna suddenly saw clearly the damage she was doing––not only to others, but also to herself. She came to a profound conclusion. She needed to change. Hard to envision, long before the days of Dr. Phil, Oprah, or any self-help books. Even harder to believe was that she actually accomplished it, very likely on her own. 

If Johnna could transform her negative nature so abruptly and dramatically, then what might be possible for any child today who recognizes how his or her life might change for the better? Try this: Ask your child or teenager to name one thing that he would like to reconfigure about himself. Caution: Do not supply the answer. This is not an opportunity for you, the adult, to vent about what you’d like to see. 

A fourth grader might opt for reading one book each month for pleasure; a twelfth grader might suggest developing a better physique or insisting on a cleaner car’s interior. Again, do not intervene. If you do, he or she will no longer “own” it. It isn’t your job to censor or jumpstart––because the choice isn’t nearly as important as the resolution. He or she only needs to change one small thing, and then watch the staggering results. A cleaner car, for example, becomes a cleaner desk, and then a cleaner room. A cleaner room becomes faster, more efficient morning routine, which in turn means being on time every day for school and/or work. And so on. The ultimate lesson is that change is never easy––but it’s possible, especially if taken in short steps, and the results are worth it. 

Johnna did it at age 16, so quickly and so thoroughly that she made it appear effortless. I’m sure it wasn’t; it took more courage and pluck than the rest of us could possibly know. But I’m also sure that she is still enjoying the rewards of that immense transformation over 40 years later. 

-Author of The Truth About Teaching:What I Wish the Veterans Had Told Me

 

 

What is up with start of school dreams? Every year near the end of summer I begin to have a series of nightmares about the start of school. Sometimes it is the first day and everyone is ready except for me. The principal calls and asks, “Where are you? The kids are waiting.” Sometimes I’m taking a new teaching job and somehow missed out on all the meetings so everyone else knows what is happening except for me. Every time I am unprepared in one way or another for the start of school. I often wake up from these nightmares jumping out of bed frantically running for the shower to get to school on time - only to find that it is still summer. Does this happen to anyone else or is it just a sign of my “control-freak” nature? Even though I’ve been out of the public school classroom for a while, I still keep having these dreams and my husband tells me that I teach in my sleep. What’s that all about? What do you dream about when you dream about school? I’d love to hear it!